sutton016

I’ve always thought of myself as Snow White. No, I don’t sing into wishing wells (only because we don’t have any in New York City) but I do have very dark hair, light skin, ruby lips (thanks to MAC Cosmetics) and I’ve always had a fondness for apples. As you know, Snow White had seven dwarfs she hung out with. I guess she figured she couldn’t get a man at the time, so seven dwarfs’ equaled one prince. I’m not sure. I never really got what the hell she was doing with the dwarfs to begin with so that’s just my hypothesis. I mean, I know the Queen was trying to kill her and all but cleaning up after seven guys doesn’t seem like a good hideout plan. Trust me - I briefly crashed in a fraternity house back in the day and it was NOT pretty. But I digress… According to Disney, the seven dwarfs in question were named Grumpy, Sleepy, Happy, Bashful, Doc, Dopey, and Sneezy. In my little trying-to-conceive-fairytale though, I think of them as more emotions than dwarfs. So, according to me, they ar...

Dear Universe, I’m tired. I’m tired of peeing on stuff. I’m tired of people reminding me my age and that the f*cking clock is ticking. Maybe my clock is digital assholes! Back off! I’m tired of thinking of comebacks when people ask me why we haven’t had kids yet. I’m tired of getting unsolicited advice…especially from anyone over 65 years old and who have suggested overly provocative positions. I’m tired of seeing pregnant women everywhere I go and being jealous. I’m especially tired of pregnant women who somehow seem thinner than me even though they have a whole other person inside them and I don’t. WTF? I'm tired of taking my temperature before I can have sex. I'm tired of hormone induced mood swings (and so is my poor husband). I’m tired of comparing my cervical mucus to something I make my omelet’s with. I'm tired of second guessing every cramp. I'm tired of avoiding pregnant friends. I'm tired of changing channels when a pregnant story line comes on. I'm ti...

As some of you know, I perform stand-up comedy from time to time. When I was younger and single, I use to perform on a regular basis. These days, I prefer staying home and writing in my comfy home office. It gives me more time with my husband, I don’t have the same intense pressure and most importantly, I get to wear my pajamas while being creative. Who else gets to do that aside from prostitutes? Still, I do enjoy connecting with the public, looking at the humorous side of life and sharing it with others. Also, quite frankly, some shows are just balls out fun. The best thing about performing stand-up comedy though has to be the overall shared experience of people in general. You see so many of them come in after work; they are stressed, tired, bereft of joy and looking like they desperately need a vacation. During the course of a comedy show, people relate to each other, they connect, and they laugh at universal topics such as marriage, weight, politics, celebrities, taxes and death. ...

Regular readers of my blog know that it’s been over a year or so that we had been trying to get pregnant and it wasn’t until this past June, that we found out that for almost that entire time we’d been having monkey sex, inseminations and an IVF, I had a uterine polyp foiling our very best efforts. Well, at least we suspect he’s the cause but that remains to be seen. As of July 8th however, I am officially polyp-less. “Jackson Polyp” has been removed and much to my chagrin, he did NOT weigh forty pounds. Hey – a girl can dream. That would have been WAY better than dieting. Between not sleeping well the night before my hysteroscopy D&C (D & C stands for a virtual “dusting” and “cleaning” of the uterus), waking up at the ungodly hour of 5am and the anesthesia, my memory of the day is rather fuzzy. Here’s what I can recall:  I remember throwing on a cotton sundress from Target as it was seasonal, clean, festive and nightgown-like. I remember changing into a hospital gown (not ...

The fabulous and brilliant Slackie O. of “MY LAZY OVARIES” ( http://slackieo.blogspot.com/ ) has honored me and my blog with the Versatile Blogger Award! You like me… you really like me! As I understand it, this is how the award works in three steps… ONE: Thank the person who gave you the award: Thank you very, very much Slackie O. I’m incredibly honored. You make infertility glamorous you sexy kitten you! TWO: Tell 7 things about yourself that readers may not know. SEVEN THINGS ABOUT ME MY READERS MAY NOT KNOW: 1. I have an unhealthy obsession with Splenda. I steal them from diners, restaurants, coffee shops, etc. and I use WAY too much of them too often. I know, I know… it’s a problem. 2. I secretly wish I were from England. I love their shows, movies, their land, their monarchy, their dry wit and pretty much everything about the UK… with the exception of their food. 3. I absolutely can’t sleep unless I’ve showered first. I just can’t tolerate the thought of sleeping while I stil...

How am I tonight? I can sum it up with these six words: Worried, pensive, anxious and craving cheese. It’s the night before my surgery to remove my loitering uterine polyp, Jackson Polyp and I don’t know what I’m more upset about: the surgery itself or that I have to wake up at 5am. My sleep is very precious to me… but so is my uterus so what can you do. I went to the doctor’s yesterday to go over the details and I must say, respectfully, I could have done without that visit. He used words like, “Pull”, “Scrape”, “Cut” and one word that particularly stood out; “Burn”. That’s all I need – a fire in my loins. If this were a romance novel, I’d be ok with that but unfortunately for all of us, it’s not. If it were though, I’d call it, “ Polyp of Passion ”. Could you imagine the cover??? Oy. The doctor also mentioned that I need to get there extra early as I will be meeting a team of people; nurses, anesthesiologists, etc. I can’t think of a worse hour to have a “medical speed dating”. I hop...