sutton016

The other day, I was standing on the street corner and there was a woman standing next to me who was both pregnant… yet thinner than I was. My stomach sunk as I was overcome with jealousy. It’s sad when you start thinking, “ If I’m going to be fat, can I at least be fat for a reason! ” To be heavy with no babies or pregnancies to show for it just seems wrong. Somehow, thanks to bad genes and over a year of on and off hormones, I have baby weight… with no effen baby! I gained about ten pounds from my InVitro in April of this year and despite the fact that the money I spent on IVF has all disappeared, the fat has remained. Call it a parting gift. Even before I took any Clomid, Gonal-F or any other colorfully named hormone though, I had been having trouble losing weight. I worked with a nutritionist for over a year logging every calorie on a daily basis taking in anywhere from 1200 – 1500 calories and I only lost about two pounds. Even my nutritionist was confused. My body didn’t want to ...

It’s striking how many similarities there are between pursuing a creative job and trying to conceive. Both involve working incredibly hard, extreme dedication, persistence, a sense of humor and an acceptance that despite your best efforts, you may never actually get anywhere. So often lately, I’ve asked myself why I couldn’t have wanted to be a nurse who has children. I could have went to school, got a nursing degree, helped others, never had to worry about what state my uterine lining was in and I’d be set. The whole blood, bodily fluids and washing old people thing wouldn’t fly with me though. Ultimately, I’m more interested in a nurse’s costume than I am being an actual nurse. That’s just me though. This past weekend, I had a bunch of comics over for breakfast (comics can never get together on a Saturday night as they always have a show) and to commiserate about the endless quest to achieve some substantial notoriety or at least a hefty paycheck in the creative world. One of my frie...

Despite being a social person, I’ve been pretty damn anti-social this year. There are people I’ve managed to keep in my inner circle that know everything that’s been going on but there are many I’ve avoided. I’ve avoided some because I know they are going to ask me when I’m going to have children. I’ve avoided others because I know they are going to tell me they are pregnant and then, there’s a bunch of people I’ve avoided simply because I don’t have anything positive to say when they ask me what’s new. Of course I know that that’s what friends are for; to listen and support when you need it. And yes, I’m sure people will like me no matter if I have good news or not but lately, when people ask, “ How are you? ”, my answers have ranged from, “ You might not want to ask me that question ” to “ How am I? How am I? I suck! That’s how I am! ” to “ I’m beginning to understand Jack Nicholson’s character in The Shining ”. It has not been pretty. I should just lie and give the standard, “ I’m f...